The Life of a Long Distance Framer

Alex reveals the joys of travelling the world with DIYframing.

For those of you who don't know (and it can't be many) I am charged with spreading the word of DIY Framing via trade and craft exhibitions; you could say I hold a missionary position. I also occasionally don my 'trainers' cap and, whip and chair in hand, venture forth to educate lucky people on the life changing experience that is picture framing.

What you won't know is that on these missions I am not in control of the choice of accommodation. Judy is the procurer of accommodation, with the strict brief that my comfort is second only to expense.

My recent 'comfort' has included a 15min walk to a hotel parking space in Glasgow, being able to wave at the pilots on approach to Manchester airport, a B&B in Newcastle which had an independent review headed 'worst hotel in the north', and most lavish of all the 3'6" x 15' room in Cambridge complete with used plate, knife and fork, gentleman's periodical (very used), fridge (?!), Barbie shower and toilet, Salvation Army bed and continental breakfast (from which continent I know not).

Now you have a small idea of my stays away you will understand my relief when ICHF announced a new show in Liverpool (my home town). Accommodation was not an issue I was to stay at the best place in town, Chez Mam. No concerns over en suite, clean bedding or towels, tv, full English, parking, cultural differences. I was to be spoilt in only ways a Mam can spoil.

The night before setting off I dutifully phoned my mother who wanted to know my exact time of arrival in order to 'have me tea on the table'. The conversation went as follows:

Me: Hello Mam, Just thought I'd give you a call about tomorrow.

Mam: (sheepishly) Something terrible's happened.

Me: (worried) 'Are you alright? Is everybody else alright?

Mam: Yes everyone's fine.

Me: So what's so bad then?

Mam: I left the tap running in the bathroom.

Me: ..... .how bad is it?

Mam: It could have been worse.

Me: How bad, Mam?

Mam: The bathroom, dining room ceiling, table, dining room carpet, living room carpet, kitchen floor and some of the electrics. Sorry son.

Me: Don't worry Mam, as long as you're alright.

It was nice to be home, though. Sat on the floor, in the front room, with a plate on my knee, in semi dark watching a fuzzy t.v. (no t.v. point in the front room), with the smell of damp and the constant noise of de-humidifiers.

I'm looking forward to my next visit.

Looking forward to my next trip. Judy tells me the accommodation is motel style, parking is right outside, they pay particular interest to the cleanliness of the showers and is run by a mother and son called Norman!

Posted on: 9 Jun 2008@14:34:41, updated on: 9 Jun 2008@14:34:41.