A Christmas Carol .... DIYframing Style

Twilight, a full, luminescent moon climbed heavenward, its light cascading onto frosted grass and gravel, giving an impression of myriad, miniature swords and crushed diamonds. The silence of the frozen air breached only by the screech of a solitary, hunting barn owl.  A perfect, late winter’s eve.

The lights off and the latch dropped, it was the end of another long day for Ebenezer McDonald. He surveyed the beauty of the scene before him and cursed as he realised he would have to light another tea light in the warehouse to keep out the damp.  Now annoyed at this extra cost he trudged sullenly to his Land Rover 4.5 tdi Vogue that he’d bought 2 hours previously.

He fretted to himself, “Hope Judy didn’t forget to post the documents,” and pondered the possibility of having Tiny Tim work faster to increase the temperature within the warehouse.

Lost in thought, key in hand, a sound came to him from the near distance. Glancing across the field all was still. But there, in the night sky, was a star; not one he’d seen before, with an intensity far greater than other celestial bodies. Staring at the heavenly object, wondering if there was a reward for finding a new star, he caught site of movement near the hedge-line across the field. Squinting now, he clearly saw figures moving. Surely not the Inland Revenue Special Investigation Team again.  It had only been 2 months since they parachuted in, dressed as nuns, to catch Ebenezer off guard.

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Becoming clearer now

Becoming clearer, now he could distinguish silhouettes. It seemed to be a man, leading a sheep, walking next to a woman riding a donkey. All the time, they remained beneath that mysterious star, which now appeared to be moving. Fixated, Ebenezer wracked his memory for his childhood bible stories.  My God! Of course, the second coming! Guilt consumed him. He could hear the disembodied voice of his old retainer Jacob Mahoney; “This is it, McDonald. You must repent your cruel, penny-pinching past.”

Ebenezer thought of all the hours he’d made Jacob work.  All the miles he’d made him travel, all the times he’d made him go to exhibitions and say the same thing over and over. He thought of all the times poor Judy had needed to ‘go in good time’ but hadn’t; of all the hours she’d spent queuing after work in the Post Office. He finally thought of old Mr Buttle, hunched over his PC, day after day, writing and rewriting training manuals and web pages, only to have them changed by Ebenezer at a whim.

The voice he could now hear was his own.
“I’m sorry, I’ll change, I’ll be a better person”, he sobbed hysterically, as the biblical figures came towards him.

The nearer they came, the more his head spun with thoughts of his poor, mistreated staff and how he must imminently explain his deeds to the ‘Reader of All Souls’. How would he atone for his life? What penance would he need to achieve in order to find his place in everlasting peace?

Suddenly they were before him; a deafening roar, a wind like the descent of the Valkyries and the star almost above his head.  Then, coming from above, the voice; unearthly, almost spiritual, “STAND STILL YOU ARE SURROUNDED”

In that instant all was chaos.  The rotor blades and searchlight spooked the horse, which bolted and threw the female rider.  Landing expertly before Ebenezer, she pulled the bulging Crusader Marine cash box from beneath her jumper and thrust it into his hand, then swiftly made her escape. The man let slip the, now uncontrollable, Lurcher, which immediately sunk its teeth into Ebenezer’s rump. The handler charged off in hot pursuit of his accomplice, whilst the down draft from the helicopter completely covered Ebenezer’s face and hands with soot from the nearby bonfire.

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Ebeneezer stood stunned

Ebenezer stood stunned, car key in one hand, cash box in the other, face blackened, eyeball to eyeball with a horse, with a Lurcher hanging off his seat.

A moment of silent reflection.  Blue lights.
“Thank heavens, the Police”: the crunch of boots on frost; the feel of handcuffs on wrists; the smell of police van floor.

The desk sergeant went through the list, “One cash box, stolen from neighbour’s office; one vehicle not registered to you; one thoroughbred horse, taken without permission; one vicious dog, unlicensed; individual’s appearance disguised.”

Maybe it was sharing a cell with Gianni, the body building, ladies’ shoe designer, that night, or maybe it was his ‘almost’ religious experience. We’ll never know. One thing is for sure, when apologetically released by the local constabulary next morning, Ebenezer McDonald was a very changed man.

You would need to travel far to find a softer, kinder man. With a new interest in fashion and musicals, from that day forward, he lavished his staff with regular praise and thanks (and boots for Judy, that regularly and mysteriously arrived from Italy!)

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A Very Merry Christmas

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your continued support and wish you:

A Very Happy Christmas and Best Wishes For A Prosperous New Year.

God bless us every one!

Look forward to hearing from you throughout 2007

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